Name

Loue Karlin

Age

Not saying

Job

Something in PR

Star Sign

Pisces (Think Liz Taylor, Drew Barrymore)

Element

Water Woman

Snapshot

Impressionable, dreamy, needs to be loved unreservedly but on her terms.

Favourite character

Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

Relationships

Four Total Disasters. At present nil (since 5 weeks, 2 days, three hours and 37 minutes). Not even a cat. Where have they all gone when I wasn’t looking? Men that is, not cats!

Yesterday’s Mood

Desperate, Despairing, Deadly Suicidal as steels oneself to approach dating hell anew.

Today’s Mood

Buoyant. Renewed hope in the future thanks to radio talk by super fabulous Dolly Dix, Editor of ‘Sabine’ magazine (SabMag to its intimates) on what she called ‘Totem Theory.’*** (TT for short).

What she said was that all men subconsciously retain the deep-down core personality of the totem animal they worshipped when they were mooching around in bearskins. It controlled, and still does their reactions to events and their compatibility with people, especially the opposite sex.

The brilliant news is that TT tells us how to recognize each of the 13 Totem animals men are divided into – and, wait for it, how to get the best out of each one by understanding why he behaves as he does. Yes, armed with that marvellous insight we’re in control. Eureka!

Dolly went on to say that TT allows us to choose ‘mindfully’, as well as with the heart. From the start, we know exactly the ‘Man-imal’ we’re dealing with and, more importantly, how he’ll stack up long-term compatibility-wise. Think of all the wasted passion and heartache it could have saved me since my first bra!

Loue Karlin’s Quest

Thought for the day; “Fate is what’s handed to you at birth. Destiny is what you make of it.” Good one that, Loue!

Action One: Read the book Dolly’s talking about – a scientific j ourney of enquiry written as a highly romantic, and often humorous, novel entitled ‘Men as Animals’, and then pursue my quest. What quest? The one that says I’ve got to check out every one of those 13 Totem Men before deciding which one is for Loue Karlin.

Action Two: Grab him!

Thought. As I go through them, if he’s not for me, why not pass him on to someone else (such as Sadie my hairdresser, who’s just on the point of taking over her third salon). She’s a Libra, which makes her an Air woman. Wonder which Totem Male would be perfect for her? Definitely someone totally bonkable – day and night if she had her way!!!

Also wonder with whom Loue Karlin, Pisces Water Woman Extraordinaire will end up? There has to be just the right one for me – like there is for every woman. Let me go through the 13 ‘Mani-males. There’s Totem Lion, Snake, Wolf, Peacock, Dog, Ox, Tiger, Monkey, Eagle, Bear, Ram, Rat and Horse.

Wow! Some zoo!

Okay, one thing’s for sure. Thanks to Dear Dolly Dix, I’m in for THE most exciting roller-coaster experience of my life. But easy does it, Loue. The idea’s to savour every beastly moment!

Oh, yes, and while I’m at it, I should get these ‘element’ signs sorted for easy reference:

Water Woman Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio.

Fire Woman Aries, Leo, Sagittarius

Earth Woman Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn

Air Woman Gemini, Libra, Aquarius

There, that should do it! Loue Karlin’s ready to go and hot to trot!